In my exploration of the place where art intersects with the spirit I have in the last few months opened a door in me that has allowed me to put deep feelings into paint. It is just an exercise for me to not intellectualize or try to illustrate how I feel but simply connect with the sensation and see what happens. The first one took me by surprise, in fact it utterly ambushed me. It was a few weeks after Daniel had gone off to college and I was experiencing some strong feelings of separation in spite of telling myself how silly it was to feel this way. The only thing that gave me a sense of comfort was painting in red. I don't remember if I blogged on this at the time, but I know I didn't post the painting because frankly it didn't photograph well, and it was after all, just feelings spilled out in paint. Akin to Julie Cameron's morning pages exercise, only in paint. If you have read her book "The Artist's Way" she strongly encourages never to show anyone your morning pages.
But I am continuing to try to honor this new awareness so I am going to start to post my explorations of this (in spite of Cameron's advice). In no way do I feel that these are "real art" but what is that anyway? Maybe it is and there is just so much more work that needs to happen in me to acknowledge that. It is all process and that is what I am focusing on. Soul work as my friend Jen puts it. It resides on a very subconscious level.
Red (or Separation) Even though this was prompted by feelings of loss, when I look at it now it makes me really happy. I have no idea why.
This next one I painted on Nov. 28th. I was having very intense feelings of personal failure as well as a strong sense that there was a "strange disturbance in the force" ;-). That is a silly way to express what is a feeling of foreboding that I sometimes get that involves the perception that a loved one or someone that I care about is struggling. This sensation tends to be a prayer prompter. In this I felt a pressure, or oppression. It was even difficult to breath.
Soul Struggle
i love red especially.
i've looked at it for quite some time and i don't now if the heart is intentional, or if it's just my view on my old computer screen, but off center to the right i see a heart. it is beautiful. tormented, but beautiful.
thank you for sharing your 'soul work' with us blair.
Oh Blair - I know so little about color, and image, and art. But I do know something about soul work, and that is what both of these speak to me. The 1st one, the red, it's so vibrant, maybe because of the color, or maybe because of the trueness. And the second one reminds me of an old Quaker quote about feeling the good raise up after being in silence with God's people and Holy Presence- I love how the light is raising up, and the dark is multi-layered too. Thanks for posting these.
Thank you Thank you Thank you. I have to tell you I have actually missed looking at this painting and even had a dream about it. I am so totally not sure why this thing pulls me in but I just love the movement of it. Your right about it not photographing well but I'm really glad you did anyway I missed it. I don't know the significance of this but OH WELL it is just good. Like the second one too but the red one really grabs me.
Big Sis