March 2005 Archives
No painting for me today. I am smack in the middle of a flu bug. I thought I had avoided it as everyone else seemed to have had it. What can I say, I am a late bloomer.
So I am trying to simultaneously recover, get a wee bit of work done and pack because of all weekends this little family is off to vegas.
It is Daniel's spring break and Bryan has some time so it is off to a much needed break. We have wanted to see "O" for oh...years and so we go.
If only I could stop sniffling and see straight.
Of course one positive thing about being sick the last few days has been overdosing on CSI. I was lucky enough to be imobile on the couch during a CSI marathon. Now I am totally addicted.
Well in the middle of doing filing and bookeeping and preliminary taxes which is a particular kind of hell for any artist, there is a ray of light that enters into the stacks of paperwork.
I booked plane tickets yesterday.
Not just any tickets. Dream tickets. Being the long term planner that I am is actually paying off because this summer my little family is going to Europe.
For four weeks (high pitched screams of joy in the background).
Granted this is going to be on a shoestring like no other but isn't that befitting artistic types anyway? The last three weeks I have poked away at all the internet info I could find and when looking at the cost of flights I got slightly depressed as I watched the prices go up while the US dollar went down and that was truly discouraging. This weekend I broke down and bought one of those guide books because the ones at the library are at least a year old and I figure 20 bucks for one of these books might actually avoid a more expensive mistake like finding out that museum ticket costs of last year are now double. So after reading enough to feel like I could book a loose itinerary I began to check on flights again. Just sort of keeping track of any "deals" or watching if tickets were incrementally going up. I knew that if gambled and waited too long I risked us missing out completely. This summer is the thing. If we wait, who knows if the opportunity will be there next year. And the reality that works in my favor is that this kind of travel falls under my job title which also helps galvanize any doubt brought on by a deflated US dollar.
Well, yesterday I found the flights that wouldn't break the bank. Holding my breath I clicked my way through expedia and booked them. It is amazing what a little creativity and some really good information can do. I highly recommend Europe Through The Back Door as a resource if you are a euro travel newbie like me. I saved a chunk of change just yesterday due to one of the unconventional tips found in this book.
There is still much planning to be done, but you know that the first step is the hardest and now we are committed. So here I sit, slightly anxious, excited and feeling like someone needs to pinch me. I am forty and have dreamed about seeing Botticelli's Primavera face to face since I was sixteen. Now, barring the end of the world before June, I might actually get to take her picture.
wow.
Well, today I can rejoice. The kid managed to get up without mom's help. Of course no standard alarm clock would suffice. Instead the trusty ipod plugged into the stereo did the trick. Even I woke up to the thumping of a bass line through the floor. I think it was Bob Marley.
And oatmeal just didn't happen. He managed to grab a danish before dashing out the door. Oh well.
Hey I am not complaining. This means that I get an extra half an hour of sleep!!!
I have a little more work to do before getting to paint today. That is fine and it probably won't hinder the mood. But earlier this morning I had to do something that could be a mood breaker. I had to crack down on my son.
I truly believe that the role of wife and mother involves a lot of things but one of the most important is creating a haven for your family. I am not talking visual, although if you saw my house you would know I put a priority on that too. No, what I am talking about is creating an environment of kindness and peace that is a safe retreat from the challenges of this world. And we, as a family, have been pretty good at caring for each other in this way. No matter how rotten a day goes we can all come together at the end and find a place of refuge, encouragement, and love. For us this plays out in practical ways. Simple acts of kindness to one another that aren't requested, but are done by observing the needs of the other. It is a give and take situation that comes from a true place of caring for one another. It also comes from a place that works hard not to take each other for granted.
Sometimes that goes south.
Like this morning. Our family enjoys our little indulgences. Making capuccino for one another, encouraging each other in our artistic pursuits, and lots of other little things. One of the things that I have done in the morning is wake up my guys, make the coffee, and make oatmeal for Daniel as he gets ready for school. I also pack the lunches, etc. It sounds very "leave it to beaverish" but it has just been one of those things that seems to start the day on a positive note for everyone. I have done this since Daniel was 5, and up until recently I have loved this particular act of kindness. But lately it has been impossible to get my teen out of bed. Multiple times of coming in his room to wake him only for him to roll over and go back to sleep. Once or twice is no big deal. But it has gotten progressively worse over a period of weeks and I finally told him today that starting monday, he is on his own. I am not playing human alarm clock and as for breakfast, well...get it yourself. I am done. No more.
This didn't come from a spiteful place, but from a mom that has felt seriously under appreciated in this area. Repeatedly being ignored gets old. Especially since I am regularly sleep deprived. I guess what was originally an act of kindness became an expectation and then somewhere along the line became something even less. So in the give and take of healthy relationships, in this particular instance, I had to draw a line in the sand.
Of course it is probably a natural nudge from the nest (in fact you are probably thinking...ah blair...duh, who makes their teenager breakfast anymore?). But the act of nudging is sort of painful.
And today it is a little ironic that the painting that I am working on is all about the seasons of motherhood.
I could just cry.
But it is good, because each season brings something new. Beginnings and endings and the journeys in between can be treasured.
Started a canvas with this sketch. Motherhood as a divine calling is the inspiration for this one in what is looking like a series of "thin places".
It is one of those maintenance days. You know, the kind of day with a list of tasks a mile long and everything on the list is boring. Laundry, filing, bookeeping. blah. All the things that by nature are ongoing and thus neverending which goes against my need for closure. I love to create things. In creating there is a beginning, a process of discovery, and a conclusion. I love that. Maintenance tasks on the other hand, are pesky little things that just cycle around. And what is even worse is if ignored, maintenance tasks become monsters that can gobble up the time set aside for the good stuff. It is like a clown car speeding around when suddenly the doors fly open and the clowns start to pile out and they just keep coming until the room is filled with clowns. Maintenance tasks can be like that. I know I have entered crisis mode when all I am doing is maintenance tasks. So today I beat back the monster that would dare to take a bite out of my artist date tomorrow. There is much to do for that reward.
Time to fold socks.
