December 2007 Archives

The Queen said to Alice, "We're running as fast as we can to stay in place."

Yea.

Reflecting a little on this year has me certain that I don't want to be one of those people who's self esteem is wrapped up in being busy.

Nope.

But it is a tricky dance to dance when so much of what "needs to be done" is simple reality and is just what is required to maintain a day to day, culturally acceptable, american-dream, albeit middle-class household whos denizens are relatively educated, fed, clothed and sufficiently updated with the latest technological gadgetry while maintaining multiple sideline interests along with what actually brings in a living.

Phew.

Which all, apparently, relates to something about "the pursuit of happiness", or was it haplessness?

Okay I think it is a house of cards.

No disrespect to the demented mind of Lewis Carroll, in fact I think the Queen of Hearts had it right.

And coming to the end of this year I feel a bit like the mad hatter.

So, thankfully, although not financially prudent right now, my little family is headed to our sand in a few days for some serious, do-nothing, rest. Off to our bahamas plot to accomplish little more than survey the plantlife and maybe some rock removal. Otherwise it will be a time of being unplugged from the pace of DC. I know that for me I need to spend time there to remember a few things. Remember why we started the big dream, because like the gorilla in the cage in the movie "Instinct", the dream has gotten pretty clouded by what we call real life, and I need a refresher on an idea that seemed insane at the time but was probably the antithesis.

The insanity is the reality, and I feel as if I have been brainwashed.

Truly, I have heard so many people express their life in terms typically found in stress management manuals.

Why is this?

Do you ever have moments where an activity like cleaning out the sock drawer might seem like climbing everest?

Too many socks.

So as I continue to reflect, I notice a common (probably nauseating to anyone reading) thread through my blog this year. It is the desire to simplify. We talk about it and yet it is so hard to do without implementing huge wholesale change. And that can be shocking at first. And complicated. Paradox.

So I hope to come back with a fresh perspective and new wisdom on how to strive for simplification and balance while living down the rabbit hole. Maybe the experience will be a productive reminder on the stark differences between island life and here which will help inform what we are aiming to create.

A peaceful place to foster creativity.

Morning dutch pancake and mimosas.
Reflection on what this day is about.
Opening gifts. Books, dvds, more books.
Afternoon hors douvres.
Reading on our comfy couch wrapped in a chenille throw.
Duck for dinner at nine prepared by my wonderful husband.
Watching the Nativity Story as a family.
Being with my two favorite people.
Staying in my pj's all day long.

perfect.

Back on the upswing (at least from an attitude perspective). Still swimming upstream, but there is going to be a lot of that for a while. Bryan has been quietly and consistently putting in some late nights rebuilding some of our programming (bless him) while I rebuild graphic source material during the day (I make a lousy night owl). Truly, I can't lose sleep or I wont function which just makes things worse. Long gone are the days of putting in an all nighter for me. Although with enough creative motivation I might be able to, but it would take some serious inspiration to create the adrenaline for that.

For now I am hunkered down. But loss brings opportunity. I have always felt this when it comes to moving from one place to another. You may mourn what you once had, but you can't always imagine what can be gained. So with the loss of so much creative work I mourn, but what I might gain is a more organized more streamlined business in the losing. I am faced with a choice to just patch things, or put on my entrepreneur hat and really work the whole scenario. Wearing that hat is what birthed avp in the first place. The real question is...

Is there anything left in my hat?

I don't know. Maybe I have gotten complacent and comfy and forgotten how to hit the gas.

Those wild creative ideas that create a burning in the belly that forces me to go further may no longer be there...

begging to be pushed, prodded and strategized into the light of day.

I do know that if loss brings opportunity, fear can keep you from seeing it.

One of my fears is unsustainability. I think that our culture sits inside its cradle, and creates a lack of peace. Careers, consumerism, McMansions, and such often tip the scales from american dream to unsustainable nightmare. How many exist within that second world?

And so this fear of mine is probably a healthy one. Common sense even. I thrive on peace. My art comes when there is peace.

So having my business be sustainable is important. But sustainable does not mean complacent. There should still be some challenges. There should still be creative goals...

Time to get creative.

Where is my hat?

Well, I am trying to get back on my virtual feet after the fatal hardrive crash. And upon reflection this was just an added boot to a number of setbacks that has me feeling like I am swimming upstream. This year has had many ups and downs, victories and disappointments, joys and sorrows. I think I am ready for something on an even keel. At this point I feel like the set backs have outnumbered the leaps forward. So much to rebuild and there are too many places to start. I get stymied just deciding what to pick first.

eeny, meeny, miney...

moe.

I'd rather be counting the waves here..

I am sitting here at cafe blue house taking the first steps after having the rug ripped out from under me. After having a very bad day of reflection on what was lost I have one thing to say if you happen to be reading this...

Are you backed up?

And I am not referring to your kitchen sink or toilet.

That computer that you are using right now to surf, read blogs, check email, and possibly run a business on... is the information backed up?

Aha...see I know I am not the only one.

But if you are one of those smart people that have this under control, my question for you would be...

When was the last time you backed up? Was it yesterday...or a month ago? If it was a month ago, think about all the stuff you did over the last month that sits on your drive right now that could be gone in a blink.

What about it? More than a month?...

Be honest.

I know, it can be a hassle, and in our case because of video storage it can be extremely expensive for a proper system (like buying a car). And hassle and expense can both be what you use to justify not doing it.

Hey its just a few files right?

Think again.

If your hardrive was a closet would it be stacked to the ceiling? Would it be as big as a warehouse?

Mine was like that.

The virtual world is a beautiful thing. It keeps things smaller and neater, but if you translated it into the real world and looked at it would that make you think twice about the possibility of losing it? Isn't it funny how much we will spend on insuring our car, our house...

but our files?

So as I start today with the first steps of rebuilding I am trying to ignore the flashes of things that can't be rebuilt or replaced... creative files and such. (in the tangible it would be like someone lighting a match to my paintings). I am trying to focus on what can be done, one step at a time.

Back up your hardrives... don't wait... do it right now.

Or you might run the risk of becoming a cautionary tale.

Think about it.

(I shot this photo of these whimsical bronze sculptures while in Puerto Vallarta)

The data retrieval gods have amazing track records. Their superpowers can work miracles.They are wizards at recovering lost files.

Except this time.

I am always saying that us andersons never do anything half way, apparently my hardrive figured if it was going to commit hari-kari that it better live up to the anderson reputation and do its best.

which it did.

It is all gone. Absolutely nothing left.

What is lost is immeasurable.

There are no words.

The first snow started last night and it is still coming down. It is hard to believe that only two weeks ago it was 74 degrees outside. It is pretty but always effects my mood. Although I have tried to embrace the romanticized aspects of winter (hot chocolate, for instance) but even that tactic doesn't really work anymore. The great thing about our house is it has windows everywhere that lets in a view of nature no matter what room you are in (even the closets!). This becomes less of a feature when you feel like you want to escape the view...especially when you are surrounded by snow on a backdrop of overcast sky.

I guess I will always be a warm weather girl.

time for some hot chocolate.

Sitting on pins and needles about my sick hardrive, but had to laugh at this image forwarded by my husband from the company that currently has my drive in its hands. The message...

"We are working on it".

Those were Bryan's words to me yesterday morning. His way of communicating something catastrophic while putting a positive spin on it. Gotta luv him.

"Its not good? So does that mean, really really really BAD?" I said, knowing his MO.

It's not good.

The target of our cryptic discussion is my G5 hardrive.

The computer that contains my life in its steely innards.

The computer that I run my business with.

The computer that holds at least five years worth of productivity.

Not to mention all my accounting files.

Yup.

It's not good.

So here I sit with my laptop, blogging.

Yes, in the past we were very careful about backing up...especially the business stuff. But one gets careless or lazy after awhile, trusting in a hardrive like will be there for you as sure as the sun rises...

until it isn't.

And you remember why you used to have a back up.

But, the big business of data retrieval proves that we are not the only ones to have slacked off. Others have risked the loss of years of work taking for granted that it will always be there.

Truly it would have been better if the house had burned down...

At least that is insured.

So the mood is a little glum here today. We will send my poor hardrive off to the retrieval gods tomorrow in hopes that they can score some files.

But for now I am trying not to think about all that is lost.

it's not good.;-(