purple hair is good medicine

I think I was emotionally rescued by a friend yesterday who let me go on and on about things that seem trivial now, but I know in the moment they felt huge. Most of it involved being sleep deprived, pms-ing, and therefore rendering me unable to be creative and productive. The latter part I regularly beat myself up about regardless of the circumstances.

She invited me to lunch a week ago for yesterday. Yesterday I didn't want to go. It happens every time. The dread before the blessing. It doesn't matter who it is. It is an introverted thing.

Laying in bed the other night with Bryan, both of us looking at the ceiling, me with my head in the niche of his neck, I told him that I don't know if I know how to have friends. It sounds silly, but I guess it goes back to doing things in extremes. I told Bryan that I think I have a hard time being with people because I can't just chat. I have no control when it comes to communicating where I am at in a given moment and so I tend to bear my soul. Regardless. Often that leaves me feeling alarmed afterwards that the person that I am with will have thought that I am weird, or selfish or whatever. It is a quality that often leaves me feeling vulnerable.

And sure enough yesterday, picking me up for lunch,my friend at the door asked that dreaded, all too invasive question,

"How are you"?

I replied with the appropriate response of "I am fine", and after a two second pause I recanted with, "Well, actually…(damn, don't do it, don't do it) I am not fine." (Argh.)

Of course having openened the door there was no turning back.

What followed was very good for me. She listened, her puff of purple hair bobbing as she gave encouragement citing similar feelings, similar experiences, similar perspectives and good contrasting ones too. I was blessed by her humor, and her willingness to be open and vulnerable as well. She listened as I beat myself up and gently pointed out the futility of THAT. She made me laugh.

I was also reminded that when I am with someone, I see deep into them and listen well. And so I get to see the beauty that resides within the broadness of a person's personality and wit. I get to see how God intentionally makes us different so that we can see the various facets of divine character through each other. I get to see that comparisons can be good if viewed from the right perspective, not a motivation for sameness, but an appreciation for God's variety. I get a gift. Yesterday's gift came with purple hair.

Thank you betsy.

Umm...can I borrow your hair dye? ; )