Trying my best to get back in the rhythm of life and I have come to a conclusion,
I need to let go of the concept.
At least the concept that there can be a steady routine of any kind. Actually it is just my limited view that needs tweaking. There is a rhythm, it just ebbs and flows in larger chunks that what tend to fit my definition. So instead it seems more like chaos theory. Taking a four week "working" vacation was one of those life altering experiences and although my personality longs for consistency and stability, I can't deny that consistency and stability are SO BORING. I fool myself to think that they are actually comforting, maybe even virtuous, but really that is a lie. Traveling is the most destabilizing unpredictable, and potentially uncomfortable thing a person can do. And those things can be the most eye opening, character changing, and spiritual growth inducing as well. Traveling with an attitude of openess to actually learning from another culture rather than packing some north american know-it-all attitude allowed me to grow. Taking some chances instead of only selecting the pre-packaged tourist-pallatable experiences helped with this growth process too. But being on sabatical is where it began.
So what on earth am I rambling about.
Being yanked, torn, ripped, or mildly encouraged (by god) to leave conventional full-time weekly ministry over a year ago, pushed my little family into a wonderful, painful, exciting, terrible spiritual journey that included complete sabatical from church attendance. Actually, that is not completely true, Daniel still attends, but mostly for social reasons. But what this caused was a real search for god outside of some long established evangelical ministry habits. I am not saying that these habits are all bad, but some in fact, are and are causing good folk of good conscience to step outside those limitations and see god in a new way, a real soul-splitting, earth-shaking, holy-cow, way.
I know that our little trip to Europe would have looked a whole lot different to me five years ago. I would have viewed every cathedral with some sort of post-reformation induced superiority that would have kept me from really thinking about the history of the church, of christianity, and my little place on that amazing timeline. I would have missed the beauty through my well-honed evangelical judgement. I would have viewed someone with a faith that didn't look just like mine with that same judgement and even pity while holding onto my sense of entitlement as "chosen" and completely missing the giant log in my own eye. I would have side stepped anything appearing idolatrous for fear of getting my soul dirty and thus missing the bigger picture. I would have come home well protected by stale doctrine, very comfy in my superiority, and totally unchanged.
Instead I was allowed to see god outside the comfortable, limiting formula that I learned so well. I'll stop searching scripture for the verse that says that jesus is "your personal savior" because I know it isn't there. But I do know one that says "god so loved the world"... and I am part of that world, just not the center of it, and that makes it such a beautiful place, and god is SO MUCH BIGGER.
perspective has been tweaked, and the journey continues.
Someone who expresses part of his journey vividly is my son. Read at your own risk as he holds nothing back with creative allegory, and strikes a chord with his honesty and heart. See Daniel's thoughts here.
san't antimo wall freize.
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