beep, beep, beep beep!

Here we go again.

This morning as I was bringing my coffee downstairs I heard it again.

but didn't he pack it already?

yes.

In a box, outside his closed door, in a stack of boxes...

beep, beep, beep.

Oh good grief.

Of course as I fish around for the new alarm clock in his neatly packed boxes,(as he sleeps) trying not to disturb too much, I realize how funny this is.

Tomorrow at this time we will be moving these boxes into his apartment. Thankfully, as I rummage through his stuff in search of the beeping sound I am not sad (or annoyed) but thinking how truly excited I am for him. And I am excited for myself too. Being a mother has been the most challenging, most rewarding, character altering and self defining part of what makes me who I am. When Daniel was three I wondered how in the world I could spend the next fifteen years of my life fully engaged in this role. So many other things in life are short lived. Jobs can change, people move to different cities, we are used to rapid fire change in our culture. But being a mom is a really long term deal. And it isn't the kind of thing that you can change your mind about. It is the most all encompassing role where you learn what being selfless really means.

I can see how after 18 years a person can feel a sense of loss. In fact I told Bryan that I think the emotional impact is probably similar to being let go from a job that you have held for 18 years. Your whole identity is tied to it, and your self esteem is fed by it. And you don't realize how much until you have to make the adjustment. The difference is, if you lose your job people tend to recognize it as a life altering event. Your kid going to college?...Not so much.

But there is an up side to being "unemployed".

• Sleeping in. All the years of sleep deprivation from early morning feedings to getting up at six am for high school, and everything in between, are done.

• Uninterrupted time. From having no private moment to yourself at toddlerhood (even in the bathroom) to being constantly "on call" for whatever little thing there is..."Mom, have you seen my"... mothers you know what I am talking about. Somehow god thought it fit to install a radar system upon pregnancy, that can find any lost object in the house and it is activated every time those words are spoken. And it works too! It is a natural wonder that moms can find anything in the space of a minute. (I wonder if that automatically shuts off now? hmmm).

• Making travel plans that don't revolve around the school calendar. Anyone who has ever traveled knows that peak season parallels when school is out. So not only can we plan "off the calendar", but we can get better rates. Want to go to Paris for the weekend?

• Walking around the house with no clothes. Don't laugh, I think this is a real perk. Skinny dipping? Yup.

• Romance. Okay, I probably don't need to elaborate further on this one.

There are lots more little things, and don't get me wrong there are TONS of things that I will miss that will no doubt make me a tad weepy in upcoming weeks/months, but this post is about something else. The next part of my life and the next part of Bryan's and my life together. So many fantastic projects, plans, and ideas to spin. Let's face it, I always feel like there just isn't enough time to do everything that is rolling around in my head, and now, there is just a little bit more. And I'll take it.

Time to launch into the next phase.

Tomorrow we drop off Daniel, get him settled, and say goodbye. I have no doubt that he will do great in this next phase of HIS life. A great deal of work and positive choice has brought him to this point. It is good to recognize this accomplishment on both sides.

I will chronicle tomorrow's events here, but for today, I am looking forward.