Bryan was called back to his home town to attend his grandfathers funeral. I never sleep well when he is gone so I am a little sleep deprived (but nothing compared to him because of a crazy flight schedule). The last few days have been spent finishing projects and preparing our house for Daniel who is coming home for fall break. Bryan arrives this evening and we pick up Daniel shortly after. A bit of a whirlwind.
I am both excited to see my son within the context of our home again, but I also know that things may feel a little weird. Having been "out on his own" for a month-and-a-half though seemingly a short period of time, has been life changing for him. And so I contemplate what that will feel like inside the shifting role of parenthood, even simple things like how we speak.
Can I still call him kiddo? sweetie? bud? All the things I called him when he was five?
Maybe not.
But even more important, will I be able to hear, between the lines of speech and conversation, the longings of his heart? Will I be able to know his mood simply by reading his subtle body language and minute facial expressions? Or will those things be different? Will I be able to express wisdom in a way that will be heard for future choices.
Or will I have any wisdom?
It is interesting that Daniel made a choice at a very early age (I think he was eight) to pray for the characteristic (or gift, or whatever you want to call it) of wisdom. It was his idea an so over the years I have prayed for that for him. And through the years I have prayed for other characteristics too, like...
Discernment.
Discernment and wisdom are probably the two most useful tools to navigate life. And if prayers are answered (and I believe when you ask for godly characteristics they are) these two tools sharpen each other and enable you to make choices that benefit your life. I think that is where blessings come from. I have never thought that if you pray for blessings that you will get them randomly dumped on you. Instead there is more of a spiritual pilgrimage that takes place when you start with simple things.
Like wisdom.
And there are pivotal moments in life when those characteristics kick in. These are typically times of great transition when the landscape is foreign and new and so you pull out that moral compass to check your position, make a note and decide which direction is the right one.
The act of checking this compass is important and totally counter-cultural due to the fact that it requires pause. So many great explorers relied heavily on a real compass to keep from getting lost possibly endangering their lives. Checking the compass takes time and contemplation. The spiritual discipline of standing still to feel the wind before moving forward may seem quaint but only because we are now used to high acceleration SUVs with automatic GPS systems.
Have I exhausted the metaphor yet?
So this weekend as we enter another phase of what our family looks like, I will pull out my compass (maybe we all will) test the wind, and look toward the horizon that is our future.
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