It took four days.
Seriously.
Four days to really "unwind". Ok, maybe three because Wednesday was a travel day, and a grueling one at that, getting up at 3:30 am to drive to the metro to catch a train at 5:30 to get us to Reagan International at 6:30 which would give us the recommended two hours wait/check/security time for an international flight that was scheduled at 8:30. If this hurry up and wait mentality doesn't make you crazy the shifting of gears from speed-dial mentality to island time mentality will. Our flight (US Airways) was late into Nassau by forty five minutes which meant we had approx 30 minutes to get through customs, get our bags, check our bags on Bahamas air's puddle jumper, go through security...
impossible.
While waiting for our bags I checked the clock (which they have several really big ones at Nassau's airport, but none of the times match maybe this is some passive aggressive way to torture us time-locked tourists) and it already said 12:32 which was two minutes past the departure time for our flight to the island. At that point instead of getting really worked up I tried to resign myself to a night in Nassau (nightmare). But we picked up our bags and headed to the counter on the other side of the airport. Bahamas air having a notorious reputation for being late we forged ahead. Getting in the line behind two other people we tried to patiently wait our turn, not knowing if the plane had already left. Scads of Bahamas air folk were happily chatting with one another behind the counter without really noticing, so my sweet husband broke line and politely went up and asked a young man if we were in the right line for Long Island. The man nodded in the affirmative without cluing into the fact that the flight was about to or had already left. So we stood in line a few more minutes. Bryan broke line again to ask another, hopefully more responsive question. Has the plane for Long Island left yet... we are supposed to be on it. That got results. This is the kind of place that if there are three people that haven't boarded yet...they hold the plane. What a relief.
Thrilled that we weren't spending the night in Nassau I tried to relax. Travel uncertainties can stress me or thrill me but this time I was stressed. Mostly because I think it has been my natural state for the last several months that even when I think I am relaxing, I am really just on hold.
And it took four days. To relax, I mean.
We landed Wednesday afternoon and I am writing this on Saturday. I feel that the tentacles of stress have finally released their twisted hold on my body and I can breath in the salt air, enjoy the view and really feel like some healing is going on.
To be fair the delay to relax may have been caused by some nasty weather that the locals were calling a "terrible cold front". Staying in our open air cabin has little charm when the temp is in the sixties and the rain and wind threaten to blow you away. These cabins aren't heated and you are lucky when you can time the water heater just right for a warm shower. So Wed, Thurs, and Friday were chilly and uncomfortable which didn't help my mood of doom, gloom, and stress.
Why did I come back here?
Was this a complete mistake?
An artist retreat... impossible, I must have been out of my mind.
Not even Pierre's good cooking was jarring loose the funk that I felt.
Until last night.
I woke up (probably about three am) looked out our open air door and saw the most beautiful sky. Millions of stars.
At home I often check to see if I can see Orion. Here Orion was in its glory surrounded by tufts of stars that I had never seen before.
And the meteor shower was still on. Pure magic.
So, after standing naked at the door I rushed back to bed to nudge Bryan...
"You have to get up and see this sky".
So we sat naked in our porch chairs watching the sky. I spotted a shooting star and began to feel better.
This morning we woke to sunshine and a soft salt breeze. The threatening dark green ocean had turned to its magical tourquoise blue. The air was warm.
I started to relax.
But I have to tell you that something is wrong when it takes four days, good weather or not, for a person to totally feel relaxed. So upon reflecting about the activities and demands of the last year I noted a few things that I need to continue to be mindful of regarding self care...
This year I need to travel less. I know, the travel always sounds fun, but even if it is an interesting place, in the name of work it can be a strain.
This year I need to balance visitors with down time. We had lots of visitors last year, and I love everyone of them dearly. I just have to remind myself to not hit the ground running full tilt the hour that they leave, but take care of the introverted empty well and refuel. I was sick repeatedly this year.
And for some reason the last few months of 07 I did not honor the artist date which keeps my creative well fueled. I stopped painting, stopped dreaming, and...well just stopped.
Is it any wonder I felt completely bottlenecked in every way when I arrived here?
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