It has been an interesting few months for me. I had to give up something. Something that I don't remember choosing, and don't remember signing my name too, but yet I held tight to. Something that I intellectually knew was not necessary, but my heart would not let go of.
A notion.
As a family we have been incredibly blessed. The culmination of our experiences have created the fabric of memory that I will gaze back on with great affection. We are healthy, we have everything we need and more. We have talents and gifts and interests that constantly give fuel and excitement to our days. We have been able to travel and enjoy leisure. We have a faith that has seen us through the extreme difficulty of having to redefine it and leave the institution we call church. The last few years have been unexpected.
But most of life is like that... unpredictable.
I haven't blogged about Daniel much of late because I was still navigating the notion. This notion was that there are certain formulas for a successful life. And it is funny because if I were to have this conversation with someone I would be the last one to subscribe to a "formula" of any kind. In fact I have always thought of myself as someone who rebels against them.
Except for this one thing.
This last spring when Daniel came home from MICA we came to the conclusion that he shouldn't go back. And that he would take a year off.
For some reason, the idea of him not going back to school right away was hard for me to adjust too. And the silly thing is in this time that we are living in, it really doesn't matter. School, I mean. Granted, my hope is that he ultimately finishes his degree, perhaps via UMD but the point is that my hope is no longer an expectation.
I am letting go of the notion.
Although the phrase, "There is more that one way to skin a cat" is ridiculous when you really think about it, the spirit of it applies to life, and is helping me dispel of my notion.
The notion that things have to be "a certain way".
I wonder how many hidden "notions" live inside our being waiting to be provoked by some little experience life throws at us that makes us wonder where that "notion" came from. But when exposed, what is revealed is something inflexible that needs to be made flexible.
Do you have a "notion" that you need to be rid of?
I am finding a new freedom in putting away some of these expectations. The best surprise is that they give way to new possibilities that you might not think of.
Daniel is doing great in his new way of life. He doesn't miss MICA, in fact when I asked him last(just because I had to keep taking the temperature) he replied without even a blink. No regrets. And as I sit here typing he is presently taking the train to his new job in downtown DC at a design firm that he is totally excited about.
Lessons of life have been happening exponentially since he left school, and we don't even have to pay for them;-)
Our life as a family as it is right now is unconventional to be sure. But I have always liked being unconventional. It keeps things interesting. I just have to remember to dump those "notions".
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